As mothers we all have days that are overwhelming. No, I didn't fight off aliens trying to break into my house all while making homemade bread, helping my child master long division, and writing the next big American novel. Just the everyday situations of life can be overwhelming. Throw in voices of mothers who think they know more about raising your children than you do and you might just want to run away screaming.
There are parents who feel their children are better than other children because they see themselves as better parents. "Brandon is 8 and has already been accepted into Harvard, is working on the cure for cancer, and has a published book of poetry that is going to be a #1 best seller!" Meanwhile you look at your 8-year-old wearing mismatched pajamas, dripping jelly from his toast all over the place, and staring in a daze at the talking beaver driving a car on TV. (This is a good place to add one other little thought. When a mom friend is excited about her child's accomplishments this is not the time to get jealous because she is bragging about her child doing something that your child hasn't or can't do. So what -- it's her child, not yours! You should be happy for her and not bitter. Childhood shouldn't be a competition. Let her be proud of her child's accomplishments -- she deserves it!)
Last night we had parent/teacher conferences which ended in us scurrying out the door with two upset boys and a screaming toddler. I joked (because, what else are you going to do) as we passed staring parents by saying, "Loud noises!" ("Anchorman," anyone?) as we tried to hurry out of the building. I felt defeated and I felt as if I was failing my children. Every mother has moments like this. We are imperfect people raising imperfect children in a VERY imperfect world.
Let me just add that raising a special needs child is no picnic. It adds a lot of weight to that already full plate. We live in a constant state of exhaustion and we doubt over half of the decisions we make. There seems to be no black or white, just a whole lot of gray. Stupid gray!
This morning I had a conversation with my husband that made me realize that we're okay. No, life isn't perfect. My children are screaming and fighting as I type this, but that is okay. My children deserve the best and that is what I'm giving them . . . MY best. We are all going through the ups and downs of parenting. Instead of comparing our children, criticizing other parents, and (in some cases) behaving worse than our children do . . . let's start encouraging each other. Let's stop being so demanding about things when we know parents have overly full plates as it is. Let's be understanding. Let's be compassionate. Let's be encouraging. Most importantly, let's mind our own business.
This parenting gig is hard enough without critics whispering in our ears. I watched my eldest gremlin (there are those mismatched pajamas I mentioned! Ha!) read to his little sister this morning. This is one of the things he dislikes because it is difficult for him, yet when Kaitlyn brought him a book and said, "Aggie, read book. Please?" He quickly agreed. He stopped me quite a bit to ask for help with some of the words -- and just as he was more than happy to stop what he was doing and read to his sister, I was more than happy to stop what was doing to help him. Life is made up of many little moments, just like this one, that all fit together like puzzle pieces to form a bigger picture. That bigger picture is that even though it's not an easy gig, we're all doing a great job. Encourage your mom friends, ditch the discouraging and critical comments and replace them with positive ones!
Your children will see this . . . and learn from your example. How cool is that?
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