Awesome Astleys

 Alex is starting to really notice his differences.  Today after school while Kaitlyn pulled all of the gallon sized ziplock bags out of their box and then tossed clothes pins all over the dining room, we talked about differences.  I started by telling Alex that his differences are what make him unique . . . special.  He responded with, "If differences are so great then why are people always mean to people who are different."

Let me just stop right here and point out that he shut me up quick.  I paused, thinking about what he said because, you know, he's right.  We tell our kids that differences are what make us special and then go out and judge people based on their differences.  Think about it.

I told Alex that he was right, but not everyone was that way.  I explained that if people were honest they would have to admit that we all have differences (as well as flaws.  I mean, come on . . . none of us are perfect).  I told him that so many people try so hard to be like everyone else and they just become another face in the crowd.  I said, "Here you are with your differences and you stand out -- not only as a special needs kid but also as a kid who refuses to give up, who works twice as hard as others and who has one of the best attitudes about life that I have ever known.  He gave me his trademark response -- a smile.  I said, "You don't need to worry about being like everyone else.  You need to just focus on being the best YOU you can be."

Then he said, "We are different."  I said, "What do you mean?"  He said, "Our family.  We're different."  Well, I can't deny that so I agreed.  Ha.  He said, "Our home is even different than other people's homes."  He's right. We don't really care for new stuff.  We prefer old stuff.  Old stuff has a history to it, a life and a story.  New stuff, while shiny and new is just not the same.  Take our dining room table.  It is older than me and has places where people have carved or written things on it from decades ago.  It's really cool. Our house is also full of color.  We love color!  I said, "Do you like our home?"  He said, "Oh, yeah, it's cool.  I love our home and I love our family. We're like super heroes.  The Awesome Astleys!"  Logan chimed in and said, "Yeah, like The Incredibles except we don't wear really tight suits."  I laughed and said, "Awesome Astleys, huh?"  Alex smiled.  I said, "You know what that means?  That means you're Awesome Alex."  He said, "I'm not awesome but I like the name."  I said, "You watch your younger brother do things you can't do every single day.  You keep trying, you work twice as hard, you never give up and most of the time you have a wonderful attitude about your life and about who you are.  THAT makes you awesome."

I got a hug.

Our story continues. ;)
(I have some ziplock bags and clothes pins I need to go pick up!)

Apraxia: A Glass Half FULL!

I tend to be a positive person.  However, I realize that some people are negative by nature -- it's just how they are.  The glass is never half full, it's always half empty.  I strongly believe that a positive attitude is a must when raising children and it is even more important when raising a special needs child.  There is an Apraxia group on Facebook that I get updates from.  I can read posts from other parents with children who have Apraxia.  So many posts lately have been from parents who are heart-broken or hurting.  They hurt from frustration in not being able to understand what their child is trying to tell them.  They hurt because they are tired of watching their child struggle to not only perform every day tasks but to express their needs or how they are feeling.  They hurt because of the way others look at their child or treat their child. So many of these parents share how they wept when their child was diagnosed.  So many post about how hard life is for them and their child because of Apraxia.  One woman actually said that her daughter's Apraxia had ruined her life. Another mother said that she never imagined anything like this could happen when she was pregnant -- she just assumed she would have a healthy child.

Let me stop right here.  Just because your child has special needs does not mean your child isn't healthy. I look at my Alex and I see a healthy and happy child.  I see a child with a positive attitude who never gives up. Sure, Apraxia affects him, but it isn't all he is and it certainly doesn't make him unhealthy.  It hasn't ruined his life (and it certainly hasn't ruined mine or my husband's) -- this is mainly because of Alex's attitude.  When Jacob and I got his diagnosis we weren't upset. We were honestly relieved to finally have a name to go along with all of Alex's struggles and issues.  We were happy to receive a huge stack of papers filled with information on Apraxia.  As we read it we had to smile because all of the descriptions fit Alex to a T! Finally, we knew what was going on with our boy and what we could do to help him.

The thing is, I encounter so many parents with special needs kids who are unhappy and overwhelmed. They are so focused on their child's special needs that they are literally missing out on enjoying their special needs child. There are parents with children in wheelchairs, parents with children who can't feed themselves, children who will never be independent or children who won't live to see adulthood.  Apraxia parents, take comfort in the fact that YOUR child WILL one day be independent.  Your child is not suffering from something terminal.  Our children may never speak as clearly as "average" children do and this may carry on into their adult lives.  Sure there are doctor's appointments, specialists, therapies, and IEP meetings (the list goes on and on). Our Apraxic children may always struggle to perform certain tasks, but this will not stop them from moving into a dorm some day and attending college, finding a great job and starting life on their own. There are so many parents on the Apraxia page who talk about how hard it is and how their child has meltdowns because they can't understand them.  One mom said she gets so overwhelmed when she can't understand her son and he gets upset that she has to leave the room and go cry.  Children pick up on our emotions.  If your child is frustrated and he feels that you're frustrated with him this is only going to stress him out even more. You are the parent -- encourage your child, be patient with your child and most importantly, ENJOY your child. Most of all, be thankful for your Apraxic child.  He/she has taught you so much about life, about overcoming, about enduring and about strength.  What awesome kids we have!