We were at my grandma's house yesterday eating lunch. My mom and aunt were talking about something when my mom said, "My daddy." I'm not sure what they were talking about but everyone heard her say, "My daddy." Logan looked up from the table and said, "Who is Nana's daddy?" Everyone froze. We looked at each other for awhile and then I said, "Great Grandpa Jack was Nana's daddy." And there it was -- that horrible past tense word. "Was." I had to force it out of my mouth. Logan said, "Where is Great Grandpa Jack?" Again, we all looked at each other -- feeling put on the spot by a 4-year-old. Before anyone could answer Logan said, "Oh, I remember, Great Grandpa Jack was killed." Jacob explained that he wasn't killed, but he was just old and had been sick for a long time. Logan asked if he could still talk to Great Grandpa Jack. No one ever said being a parent was easy. I can honestly say that moment was NOT easy.
Wednesday was my Grandpa Jack's funeral. It was a long day. It was a hard day. It was a day that allowed us all to spend too much time in a car trying to gather our thoughts. I remember walking to the back after the funeral to talk to everyone who had come. I looked up and saw my cousin, Matt, with red eyes from crying. I was 12 when he was born and I thought he was the greatest thing. Seeing him upset almost made me lose it. I remember making eye contact with him and trying to keep it together. That is what we all have been doing the past few days -- trying to keep it together.
My grandma was amazing through all of this. At one point I was talking to my dad's brother and his wife and my grandma walked up and hugged me and told them, "This one right here and me go way back." They laughed and then my grandma looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Your grandpa thought the world of you. He thought you were perfect from the day you were born -- and still thought it right up until the end. He was so proud of you." I said, "I thought he was pretty perfect too." My grandma laughed and said, "I know. You two had the neatest relationship."
We heard a lot of stories about my grandpa from people who have known him since before I was born. It seems a lot of people think he is just as great as I do.
On Wednesday when everything was over we were at my grandma's house and she was telling us stories about my Grandpa Jack when they were younger. She talked about how they met and I learned that it all started with a rake. My grandma and her friends were supposed to rake leaves in one of the friend's yards and no one had a rake. They knew that the new people who moved in had a rake but they all thought my grandpa was cute so they didn't want to go ask for a rake. My grandma said she decided she would show those girls how to ask for a rake so she went and knocked on the door and my grandpa answered. She said, "He gave me the rake and then followed me around trying to get my attention from then on."
I took the boys to school this morning and I stopped to talk to Alex's teacher and explain that he didn't have his homework because I left his back pack at my parents. She was asking how our trip went and she said, "He was your grandpa, right?" I said, "Yes." Logan said, "He was my Great Grandpa Jack." Alex's teacher said, "He was?" Logan said, "Yeah, he was funny. He could wiggle his ears." Alex's teacher started laughing. I hope Logan always remembers his Great Grandpa Jack smiling and wiggling his ears.
It has been hard trying to come to the realization that he is gone. When I think about him I have to smile. I have so many wonderful memories of him. The funeral is over, the boys went back to school, and life goes on and still, today, my heart aches. I have lost a grandparent before, but I didn't have the relationship with him that I had with my Grandpa Jack. He was and always will be one of my very favorite people. Some one at his funeral said to me, "Jack is one of those people you think will always be around and you just can't picture a world without him." I thought that summed it up pretty well.
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