We have baby on the brain in the Astley house. We are trying to get everything ready for her arrival in November. We have four months, which seems like a long time, but it will be here before we know it. In addition to all the baby craziness we have two little boys occupying our time, we are thinking about back-to-school shopping, and Jacob's job is keeping him busy. As if this weren't enough, Jacob gets to come home to a pregnant woman--a pregnant woman in an 80 degree house (which is better than the 103-111 it has been outside). I understand why people write books about pregnant women and make them out to be crazy. I will be the first to admit that I have moments where I am--yes, here it comes--crazy. I find myself thinking about the reactions I have to things and I have to laugh (at myself, of course). One minute I'm freaking out because the baby's room is irritating me. Yes, the baby's room. I have all these plans in my head for how I want it, but there are times when I go in there and my stress level just automatically rises. I look at it and feel grumpy because I think its going to be too crowded. I start stomping around being grumpy and complaining. Jacob listens and nods his head, knowing that anything he says can and WILL be used against him by this crazy woman he calls his wife. Two hours later I'm feeling less grumpy and thinking the baby room might (just maybe) work after all.
I have a doctor telling me I have gained too much weight (this happened while I was pregnant with Logan, as well) and I look in the mirror and hate what I see. Jacob keeps telling me, "You're pregnant!" Well, I know that, but here is the thing--there are women out there who get pregnant and hardly gain an ounce. They stay the same and only their bellies grow. I look at these women through narrow (and annoyed) eyes and have to talk myself out of sticking my tongue out at them. Or, even holding them down and forcing them to eat a gallon of ice cream. I'm sure most pregnant women would tell you that temporary insanity is a common side effect of pregnancy. Really. It is. I swear. I gave up my ice cream a couple of months ago and was STILL told I'm gaining too much weight. I may stick my tongue out at my doctor, too . . .
The reality is that we are excited about adding a little girl to our family. I feel her move--all the while smashing my bladder. The boys have come around and are now looking forward to having a baby sister. They kiss my belly, rub it, and tell me they love "baby." It is very sweet. Logan tells me every day that I "look bee-oo-tiful." That isn't what I see when I look in the mirror, but its nice to have those little boys to remind me that some things are more important than the things we get hung up on. Yes, I have gained weight, but once I have the baby I can focus on getting back down to my "normal" weight. Yes, the baby's room tends to stress me out, but in all honesty, it WILL come together and the truth is that the baby isn't going to care what the room looks like. We can always change it as we go if we need to.
I'm sure I'll need to be reminded of all these things at some point when insanity strikes me again. Until then . . .
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