I had a rough morning with Alex today. He has been sick since Saturday evening and today was the first day this week that he was well enough to go to school. He didn't throw a tantrum--that's not his style. He did cry though. He cried and said he would miss me. He said he didn't want to go. "It's too hard. I'm not smart and can't do things everyone else can." When I told him to put on his shoes or brush his teeth he would pretend he didn't hear me. Mornings like this are hard for me. Part of me wants to tell him I understand and let him stay home, but that wouldn't benefit him at all. I hug him, I let him know that I understand his feelings and concerns, and then I encourage him and tell him how proud of him we are.
Needless to say he was angry with me when I dropped him off at school.
As Alex gets older, days like this happen more often. He is now 7 and realizes that there is something different about him. When we're in public Logan will talk non-stop. Alex, however, is always really quiet. He told me one day that he didn't want people to hear how he talks. On rare occasions when Alex is in a really good or hyper mood he will talk in public--and Logan will ask why people are staring. I love Logan--I love his outlook on things. To him Alex is just Alex. He has always talked that way and he has always done things his own way and that is just who he is . . . he is Alex. I wish we could all see Alex the way his little brother does.
I wish Alex could see himself the way his little brother does.
So, this morning, I stood in the rain and watched my boys walk to the school. Logan under an umbrella and Alex refusing to use one. Being a parent is a crazy ride. Being a parent of three children is an even crazier ride, and having a special needs child just adds to the fun. I would love for things to be easier for Alex, but I wouldn't change him for the world. I look forward to seeing how he turns out--what great things he is going to accomplish! Through all the challenges, therapies, appointments, and little triumphs I have learned a child can do anything--even teach his parents a thing or two about life.
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